That Smile
by Teary Loser
Summary: Lily Evans never thought she could ever fall for James Potter, how he can just make her smile. How he can make her feel so many things by just being himself. LJ. 7th Year and a little after.
1. Changed

**That Smile**

**By Teary Loser**

**Disclaimer: **_Characters and all that do not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling – credit to her._

**Note:**_ This is just the first chapter, so it's not that long. If you have any comments or suggestions, please let me know. I'll hate to keep writing not knowing what you guys think…_

**Chapter 1: Maybe**

There was silence for the first 30 minutes of their first patrolling duty of the year.

"How was your summer?"

"It was okay. How about yours?"

"It was… eventful, thank you for asking."

"No problem at all."

Lily Evans and James Potter walked down the corridors.

"Parents happy for you?" James asked.

"Proud. You?"

"Glad."

"Having fun?"

"Yes. You?"

"Kinda." Lily Evans had no idea why she was smiling, why she wasn't angry about him becoming the Head Boy. Instead, she was happy about it. She didn't know why he wasn't asking her out, making fun of her or being arrogant as usual. Instead, he was just being normal. Well… she never actually knew if he was normal or not, maybe he was just playing an act or as she feared, just being James. Lily was afraid to like this kind of James. Maybe, she had already started.

James grinned. "Wondering why I haven't asked you out yet? Why I'm not being 'a big-headed jerk'?"

Lily turned to look at him. "Maybe."

"Because I finally realized that I don't need to be anyone but myself to get your attention." He said. "I have, haven't I?"

Lily rolled her eyes, "Oh, Potter…"

"What?" James asked, "I've noticed, Evans." He gave Lily a smile, a smile he had only given to her, a curve that Lily had never noticed before. James saved this smile for her, for that special red-head he had a crush on for five years, the one with those beautiful emerald eyes… the girl he couldn't get over no matter how much he tried…

"Noticed what?" Lily said.

"Your smile."

"What about it?"

"It appears when you're happy."

"So?"

"You were smiling when you were with me."

"It doesn't mean that I like you or anything."

"I never said you liked me."

"Why be so complicated, Potter?"

"Why be in denial, Evans?" James asked.

Lily thought for a moment, she realized she was in denial, she did like James Potter, but she was ashamed to tell him, or to tell herself…she liked James Potter. She loved the fact that his hair was a mess, how he looked at her with those hazel eyes… she liked James Potter… she did. She really did.

"Fine. You've changed."

"Of course I have." James said.

"You have." She said.

"I know."

"You've changed."

"I know." said James. They stood in the dark corridor staring at each other, neither of them knowing what to say next. Then, they started to laugh; maybe because they got sick of the silence, or maybe they remembered something funny, maybe because James changed, or maybe because Lily gave him a chance to change. Or maybe, they've actually enjoyed their first patrolling duty of the year together.

They walked back to the Head's Common Room. Neither of them didn't know why it happened so suddenly. Lily wondered why James can just easily stop being stupid and she would just like him straight away, why he could just make her smile without trying, why this night seemed to be so different. It'll be just her secret. She couldn't tell anyone, she couldn't let anyone know she had a crush on James Potter. She lay on her bed that night rethinking about what just happened. She actually thought this year was going to be horrible – working with Potter and everything. Instead, she found herself excited for the next prefect meetings and the late-night patrols. She actually wanted to spend time with James Potter.

"_...and it all comes down to that last person you think about before you fall asleep."_


	2. The Other Side of the Wall

**That Smile**

**By Teary Loser**

**Disclaimer: **_Characters and all that do not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling – credit to her._

**Note:**_ Thank you for the ultra cool reviews! If you have any comments or suggestions, please let me know. Thanks!_

**Chapter 2: The Other Side of the Wall**

Tammie, Lily's best friend, laughed.

"Jeez, Tam, I've never even started my breakfast yet, and you're already laughing at me. What are you laughing at anyway?" Lily asked.

"You're not angry." Tammie replied.

"So?" Lily asked while she buttered her toast.

"You spent a whole night with James and you don't seem furious." Tammie said, "That's not normal."

"Of course it's normal." Lily said.

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is, besides, just because I'm not blowing my brains out, it doesn't mean I enjoyed myself last-night okay?" Lily said, taking a bite of her toast, "It was boring."

"How can Lily Evans and James Potter patrolling the corridors together be boring?" Tammie asked, "Anyways, what happened?"

Lily shrugged, "Not much. We talked."

"About what?"

"Things."

"What things?"

"He asked me how my summer was… I answered… He asked what my parents thought of me turning into the Head Girl… I replied…" Lily paused, Tammie signalled for her to continue. "That was it."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"No arguments? He didn't ask you anything more? You didn't talk about anything else?"

"No." Lily replied, "Nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

For the rest of the day, they never spoke of the topic, instead, their conversations were filled with stupid complaints about homework and boring subjects. Before they knew it, it was October. Lily still had her little secret, she was bursting to tell Tammie, but she couldn't. For so many years, she wouldn't stop talking about how stupid James Potter was, and how immature his friends were. She couldn't just easily turn around and tell her best friend that she adored the Head Boy, who she had hated for years. But she knew she had to tell her soon enough, or she might end up finding out anyway. But tell her was much easier, if Tammie found out, Lily had to explain why she didn't tell her in the first place and Tammie might get upset at the fact that Lily was keeping secrets from her. She really didn't want to do that.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter sat underneath the Willow Tree. James was talking about Lily again.

"She's just so amazing, you know? I mean, look how many times I tried getting over her, going out with different girls…" James said, "I compare all the girls to her but they never measure up. Some of the girls might be 'better' than her… but I just can't see it. I just can't get over her, but maybe… it's not working for a reason."

Sirius Black, James' best friend, looked at him, "Look here, Prongs, you have to think of how you can talk to her, you keep asking Moony help for homework… but you can ask Lily." Sirius said, "Then, Wormtail and I can have Moony all to ourselves, plus, it'll be less stress for Moony."

Remus sighed, and shrugged. "It won't really make a difference with Prongs gone; it's you and Wormtail who need the serious help."

"Yeah, I think that's probably right, Moony." Peter said, "But asking Lily for help is a good idea, Prongs."

Sirius nodded, "But when you talk to her, don't freak out. Keep it cool."

"I don't freak out when I talk to her," James said, shaking his head.

"Yes you do," Sirius said, "you play with your hair, you stammer your words…"

"Fine," James said, "I'll try not to do that this time. Now, c'mon, it's getting chilly out here, let's go inside."

That night Lily studied in the Heads Common Room, or at least, tried. With sleepiness and boredom, Lily drew a moustache on a picture of a man on the back of one of her schoolbooks, but it just ended up looking like a wonky…thing. She really didn't feel like caring who the man was. She rested her head on her arm on the table. She tried to keep her eyelids from going over her emerald green eyes, but she just couldn't help it…

James walked into the common room, and Lily caught his eye. He silently walked up to her, watched her for a while, and looked at what she was doing. He caught site of the man with ink on his face, wondering what it was that Lily drew. He shrugged it off, and he sat on the couch, watching her dreamily. He stared at her as she slept, watching her slowly breathe, he loved this. He loved the quiet, the peace… he didn't want to do anything to ruin it.

He felt a sneeze coming up… he remembered Sirius telling him if you tried to stop a sneeze, you could rupture a blood vessel in your head and die. James didn't want to die… he didn't want to wake Lily either.

**ACHOO!**

Too late.

Lily's eyes flapped open, she looked around and saw James watching her in horror.

"I didn't – I didn't mean to – I just…" He stammered. Lily watched him panic. "I couldn't help it – you can go back to sleep, really – I shouldn't of been watching you - I just thought you looked really pretty – I mean…" He sighed, and looked at her hopelessly. "Sorry."

Lily smiled, "No, don't worry." She stood up and started to put her books into her book bag.

"You're not going to yell at me?" James asked.

"No." Lily said walking towards her room, "I told you not to worry about it – so don't."

"Alright. Evans, it's great when you're not yelling at me, really."

Lily turned to look at him, and gave him a small smile, "Maybe I won't then." She said, "It's Lily, by the way. You can call me Lily."

"James." He said, "And I was wondering if you could help me out."

"With what?"

"Charms." James said, "I hear you're good with Charms."

"Sure, I'll help you out, maybe tomorrow, the exam professor gave us isn't due until next week, so what I want you to do first is to jolt down some notes."

"Right. I'll do that."

"No actually, you can just borrow mine."

"Right."

"Do you want them now or tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

"Okay. So don't do anything."

"Okay."

"Well, you can do something, I just meant don't do anything about homework."

James nodded, "Okay."

"Well, you can do homework, just don't do the stuff that you'll want to do with me."

"Alright."

"Okay, I'm going to go to sleep before I confuse myself even more."

James grinned. "Okay, goodnight."

After Lily closed her door, James walked into his room too, feeling more in love with the redhead girl on the other side of the wall.

**Note: **About the last line...… Iwas worried that you might of thoughtit was a little cheesy. But I kinda like it so let me know what you think. Thanks!


	3. What Friends Are For

**That Smile**

**By Teary Loser**

**Disclaimer: **_Characters and all that do not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling – credit to her._

**Note:**_ Thank you for the ultra cool reviews! If you have any comments or suggestions, please let me know. Thanks!_

**Chapter 3: What friends are for**

The next night, Tammie and Lily sat in the Gryffindor Common Room doing the homework that was due the next day.

"Oh yeah, I'm helping James with his homework." Lily said.

"What do you mean you're helping him with his homework?" Tammie burst.

"I meant as in helping him." Lily replied.

"But… you can't… you hate him… you –"

"What?" Lily asked, "C'mon, Tammie, everything is different now."

"How different?" Tammie asked, cooling down a bit.

"Just different." Lily said, "He's changed, I have too."

"So you and James are like, what? Friends?"

Lily shrugged, "It depends on what he wants."

"Wants?"

Lily laughed, "Tammie, is this really that hard to believe?"

"Believe what? You like James Potter?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"I meant no." Lily panicked, "I don't, really, no."

Tammie gave a big grin, "Aha! You do like him."

"No I don't!" Lily was surprised why Tammie's reaction wasn't what she thought it was going to be, it wasn't astonished enough.

"Yes you do." Tammie said calmly.

"Fine." Lily said, "I do. I do like him."

"Alright." Tammie said, and she got back to her homework.

Lily was mystified. Why wasn't she making fun of her? Why did it seem like she didn't care?

"Okay," Tammie said, "How about you and James? He hasn't been asking you out, so are you going to make the first move?"

Lily shrugged, "I don't know. I'm not really sure what I want from James… I don't know what he wants to give."

"Well," Tammie said, "You'll just have to find that out for yourself, won't you?"

"I don't think I can, Tammie," Lily said, "I want him to make the first move, kinda. I want him to make the first move before I move on."

Tammie sighed, "C'mon, Lils, just let him know you like him. Tell him how you feel."

Lily snorted, "Do you think that's gonna work? What if I just make a fool of myself?"

"You won't. He likes you and you know it. Let him know that you like him back."

"How?"

"Figure something out," Tammie said, "But you'll have to do it. Do it before it'll be all over, and you won't spend your life wondering what could have happened."

Lily nodded, and they got back to homework. Soon after, she walked into the Heads Common Room and found James sitting on the couch waiting for her.

"How long have you been waiting?" She asked.

James jumped. "Oh, uh… not very long."

Lily sat on the armchair, "So where do you want to start?"

November zoomed along. Lily watched James practice for Quidditch while she pretended to be reading on the top box. It wasn't as if she was spying on him, she was just watching him.

"I love Tuesdays." James said as they sat in the kitchens licking different flavoured ice-cream. Sirius, Remus and Peter knew what he was talking about.

"Yeah, we all know, Prongs," Sirius said, "Tuesdays have a whole hour of you and Lily talking about Charms…"

"It's not just that," James said, "Did I tell you last week, we talked about fire? It wasn't about Charms."

"Fire? How fascinating." Sirius said sarcastically.

"It was great," James said, "We were in the common room just looking at the fireplace… it was just great. We just sit there and do nothing, but you should know that those nothings feel just as great as the somethings."

The next day, while Sirius, Remus and Peter has already made their way to lunch, James walked down the corridors to the Great Hall, but met Snape along the way.

"Potter." Snape said, "Where are all you friends? Have they got sick of you yet?"

James didn't reply, but continued to walk. He promised himself he wasn't going to prank or hex anyone, for Lily.

Snape continued, "I know you want to hex me, Potter, but I know you're just ignoring me because of that mudblo – "

"DON'T CALL HER THAT." James said, "Leave me alone." He thundered down the steps.

"She will never like you, Potter. She will never feel the same way." Snape said after him.

When Snape said this, James wondered. _Maybe she doesn't like me... I'm tired of running after her – maybe it wasn't supposed to be me and her getting together. I've tried, for so many years, and nothing has happened. Maybe I should just move on…_

The Marauders lay on the Quidditch Pitch after dinner that night, wrapped around in warm clothes, watching the stars.

"So what are you planning to do?" Sirius asked, knowing that all of them knew what he was talking about.

"I'll get over her."

"You can't do that." Remus said, "You had a crush on Lily for years, you can't turn back now. I think she's already starting to like you."

"Whatever you do, Prongs, do not give up on her. You are so close and getting her, if you turn back now, everything you've done for her will all be lost." Sirius said.

"I hate being rejected all the time – I don't want to go on like this forever, I don't want to chase after her with fear of once I catch her, she'll start to run away again." James said.

"Don't be an idiot, Prongs." Sirius said. "Don't give up on her. You've been trying to get her for so long now – don't waste all those years."

Peter nodded, "You two are going to end up together, and you're both going to be happy."

"Everything you're saying…" James said, "Makes it so hard to move on. Just seeing her… but what if it takes twenty years?"

"Then it takes twenty years." Remus said.

"But it won't," Sirius said, "You'll get her. This school year, you'll get Lily Evans. Don't forget your dreams of her falling in love with you, because they will come true, as long as you continue walking up the road you've been walking on for more than three years. Don't turn back around, Prongs."

"It's just the way Snape said it." James said, "It sounded so true. I don't have a chance with her, never."

"Don't believe in anything Snape says." Sirius said, "I still can't believe he's still being such an idiot to you even if you saved his life. Man, I wish I could just beat him down and punch his face till it no longer exists…"

"Padfoot, that's just wrong." Remus said.

Peter nodded. "Yuck, blood would be everywhere."

"But just imagine how he'll look like." Sirius said.

Peter laughed, "He'll pretty look funny."

"I think he'll look jagged." Remus said. All three of them laughed.

Well, except James. He looked up at the stars, wondering if he should still even bother to chase after her. Someone like Lily cannot like him. Like him? Maybe… but love him? He didn't think so. How can she like some ignorant big-headed jerk like him? She's probably thinking how pathetic he is, because she's just perfect, and beautiful and the nicest person he's ever met, and he, who is just some guy who is trying to win her heart, and he's just going to lose. He can't have her, because she doesn't want him.

The other three looked at James. "She does like you, James." Remus said, so serious he was calling him by his name.

"No she doesn't she –"

"Oh, quit it, James." Sirius said, "Can't you see it? She really likes you, more than you can choose to imagine. It's in her eyes, James, and her smile, and her voice… she's just so different when you're around. She's so much happier. You and her are meant to be together, and you're the one she wants. Can't you see that? She can't fall for you if you're not there to catch her."

"_Achieving starts with believing."_


	4. Guilty

**That Smile **

**By Teary Loser **

**Disclaimer: **_Characters and all that do not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling __–__ credit to her._

**Note:**_ Not updated in quiet a while, but here it is! Don't forget to review, and I hope you enjoy the chapter! __J_

**Chapter 4: Guilty **

It was December, and Tammie had to go to France with her family for Christmas, Lily decided to stay at school for the holidays. Because it was her last year – this would be her first and last time.

James and Lily sat on the stairs.

"Are you sure you're okay? Do you need to go to the hospital wing?" James asked with a worried look on his face.

"Yeah, it's just a headache, no need to worry, James." She said.

"Whatever you say…" He said.

Lily sighed.

"Do you have any siblings, James?" She asked.

"Nah. Just me. But when I was younger, it was pretty lonely…" he said, "Why do you ask? Problems with your sister?"

She looked at him, "How'd you know about Petunia?"

He shrugged, "When we were fourteen…" he said, "Well, it was my stalker days."

Lily laughed, that's pretty scary." She said, "Anyways, my sister is getting married tomorrow, and she didn't even bother to invite me."

"That just sad," James said, "You should just go."

"No way." She said, "No matter how mean she is to me, I don't plan on ruining her wedding day."

"You're right." James said.

"But it's sad though," Lily said, "When we were younger, we were inseparable. Then I got my letter and everything changed. My whole plan of my life had to change. I had to say goodbye to the friends I grew up with and go into this whole new place I never really thought existed, on my first night here, I felt so alone. My sister didn't even want to talk to me, my own best friend. She didn't want to talk to me because I was something I completely had no control over."

"Do you regret ever coming here?" James asked.

"No, I don't. It made me realize that this is who I am, and I can't do anything to change that." She said, "So no, I don't regret coming here. Back in the muggle world, I was the weird smart girl. It feels so good to come here and be just a girl."

"Time?" James asked.

"4;30. We got duty."

"Fourth floor. You?"

" Sixth."

"His your head okay?"

"It's fine."

"I'll see you at dinner?"

"Sure." Lily said, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Listening."

She raced up the stairs, and made her way to the sixth floor, while James went down to the fourth.

Lily was walking to dinner when Sirius stopped her.

"He's eighteen." He said.

"Who is?"

"James!"

"What? Today's his birthday?"

"Yes. Didn't he tell you?"

"No, he didn't." she said, "Oh no, this is horrible! I didn't get him anything…"

"Don't worry, I know the best present for you to give him."

"What is it?"

"A good snog."

"WHAT!"

"Quit the pretending, Evvy, it's so obvious that you like him."

"No I don't," Lily said, trying hard to keep her face from going red.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, "You'll be an awful friend if you didn't get him anything…"

"I can just magic him a cake."

"Too late, the elves fixed that up already."

Lily thought, "Why couldn't you tell me sooner?"

Sirius shrugged, "It slipped my mind."

Lily panicked, "Oh no, this can't be true!"

"Very true." Sirius said, "Just give him a good pash – it'll be the best present you can give him."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because." They were alone in the corridor now.

"Just tell me," Sirius said, "Why can't you give your friend who has been crushing over you since forever a present he's been dreaming about almost every night?"

"It's because things might change."

"Change?" Sirius asked, "How?"

"They're just going to change, alright?" She said, "He's waiting for me at dinner." She made her way to the great hall.

Sirius stood there, "I shouldn't of said pash. I sounded like an idiot…"

Lily scanned the Gryffindor table for James…and there he was. In front of him was an empty plate and an empty seat next to him. It was obvious that he was hungry, with him just staring blankly into space, just waiting for her.

She slipped into the seat next to him, "You should of just eaten something," she said "You shouldn't of waited for me."

"But I wanted to." He said, "Just eat, alright?"

She nodded.

After dinner, James and Lily silently made their way to the Common Room, with Lily guiltier than ever.

"SURPRISE!" The Heads Common room exploded when James and Lily walked in, who have not spoken a word to each other since dinner.

"Hey mate!" Sirius called over the people and the music, he squeezed the the crowd and gave James a pat on the back, "Happy Birthday."

Lily saw the coffee table filled with presents, she was supposed to have one to put on it… she should of known… Sirius stood on one of the tables, "Birthday cake!" He called. A crowd of people took James away to the cake, leaving Lily at the side of the room. She walked towards her room, and as she closed the door, she heard cheers once James had made a wish, and blew out the candles. She sat on her bed, there was a knock at the door, and James walked in, "Hi."

"I'm sorry, James," she said, looking at him standing there.

"Oh, Lily," he said, "What for?"

"For making you wait," she felt tears filling her eyes; everything went blurry, "for not knowing it was your birthday, for wasting time by making you listen to me ramble about my boring life…"

James walked up to her and hugged her.

"..I'm sorry for being mean to you before, I'm sorry for ignoring you, for calling you arrogant… I'm just so sorry for everything! I didn't get you anything for your birthday…"

"Lily.. that's okay, really…" he said, "please don't cry… please don't cry because of me. Don't cry because you didn't know it was my birthday – it wasn't your fault, it was mine for not telling you. Don't cry because I waited for you at dinner, it was my choice. Talking to you is NOT a waste of time... Don't be upset for being mean, it was my fault for being so annoying… please don't cry for something you didn't do."

Lily calmed down; she didn't know what to say, she hugged him tight, and buried her face in his chest, "Happy Birthday, James." She said, in a muffled tone.

He smiled, "That's the best birthday present I've ever had."

He lay her on her bed and sat next to her until she has fallen asleep.. James kissed her on the head. "I care about you more than you know, and I don't want to see you hurt because I like you so much. As much as I enjoy the concept of being 'just friends', in reality, it's bazaar from torture."


	5. Lessons

**That Smile**

**By Teary Loser**

**Disclaimer: **_Characters and all that do not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling – credit to her._

**Note:**_ Here's the fifth chapter! Hope you enjoy…_

**Chapter 5: Lessons**

One afternoon, James sat down and went through the new Quidditch strategies he thought of for the team, Lily looked at his parchment behind his shoulder.

"Why do you like Quidditch so much?" she asked.

He shrugged, "My dad got me into it when I was younger."

"How old were you when you first started?"

"Four." He replied.

"Wow."

"Yeah, I guess so." He said, "Do you play any sports?"

"Nah."

"Honestly?" He asked, "Have you tried Quidditch?"

"Well, I flew at first year, which was because we had to." She said, "But I was horrible at it. Everything I learnt about Quidditch then, is just erased off my mind."

"James said, "Actually, I'll teach you."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"It's cold…"

"Who cares?"

"I do."

"You know what I think?" He asked.

"What?"

"You're scared."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are."

"No."

"Yes."

"Shut up."

"Please, Lily?" James pleaded, "Please?"

"James, no." She said.

"Why?"

"I just don't want to." She replied.

"But Lily, you can really have fun." He said.

"It's cold."

"Sometimes, I have no idea why you're in Gryffindor."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I thought you were brave."

"Yeah I am!"

"No you're not. You're too scared to fly."

"I'm not scared of flying!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Prove it."

"I will!"

"Let me teach you?"

"You're on!"

-

"I have no idea why I'm doing this…" She said as she watched James mount his broom.

"Come on." James said.

Lily sighed, "You really… what do you want me to do?"

"Just hop on it with me."

"what?"

"Just… here." He gave her his hand, she took it and he put her in front of him. "Grip it tight, alright?"

Lily gripped the broom handle tightly as she could, "That tight?"

"No, just relax you hands a bit, but just hold on to it so you won't slide off."

"Oh," Lily said, "Alright…"

"You okay?"

Lily nodded, "Yeah."

"Now, you just kick off." He flew them upward.

"James, I think we're getting a little bit too high…"

He looked at her, "Evans is scared."

"Shut up.

"No way." James said, "See? It isn't so bad…"

Lily looked up, and in front of her was a big view of the castle, with fogged up windows and snow on the roof.

"Not scared now, eh?"

"I wasn't even scared in the beginning."

"Yeah," James said, bringing them back down, "right."

"Shut up."

James laughed.

_50 Things I Love About James Potter:_

_By Lily Evans_

_He makes me laugh_

_His eyes are gorgeous_

_He's a good friend_

_He taught me how to fly._

_He plays Quidditch_

_He plays Quidditch really well_

_He believes in me_

_He's brave_

_He makes me happy_

_He knows all the secret passageways at Hogwarts_

_He knows what he wants and when he wants it._

_He knows all of my ticklish spots_

_He became my best friend after 5 Corridor Patrols_

_He can transfigure anything_

_He is easy to tutor._

_He makes up his mind easily,_

_He laughs at things that aren't funny_

_When he makes me angry, he finds ways to make me like him again_

_He makes me feel good about myself_

_His hands are always warm_

_He knows me like no one else does. _

_He's smart_

_It's okay if I cry in front of him._

_He makes me feel pretty._

_After spending a day with him, I can smell his perfume in my clothes._

_His uniform tie is always loose._

_His voice gets deep whenever he's really serious._

_He only says things he really means._

_He looks so cute and adorable when he reads._

_He doesn't let others get to him._

_HE cares a lot about his friends._

_It takes so long for him to give up._

_It takes ages for him to get up on Saturday mornings._

_He kisses me on the forehead._

_He doesn't take crap._

_He gives me bear hugs._

_He give the best piggy backs in the entire planet._

_It's fun messing up his hair because he likes it that way._

_He looks adorable when he's sleeping._

_He's the best Chaser ever._

_He doesn't care what others think._

_He stands up for himself and the people he cares for._

_He makes me feel special._

_He looks at me in an unexplainable way._

_His promises never break._

_He changes the subject whenever we get close to talking about ex boyfriends and girlfriends._

_He always lets me know how much he cares._

_I've noticed that he has the most horrible singing voice after hearing him sing in the shower, but I think it's the most incredible way to win my heart._

_He remembers little things._

_He makes me smile in a way that I only smile around him,_

Lily and Peter sat down on the stands as James, Remus and Sirius mounted on their brooms at the Quidditch Pitch.

Sirius circled the pitch winking at a sixth year Ravenclaw who was sitting with her giggling friends at a bench below.

"Have you tried playing Quidditch, Pete?" Lily asked, keeping her eye on James.

"Nah." Peter replied, "I'm not really into sports, but I like watching though."

"Oh, alright." Lily said, "So what are you interested in?"

Peter shrugged, "I don't know."

"Don't you ever feel left out?" Lily asked, "I mean, you know…"

"Nah, don't worry about it." Peter said, "All three of them got talent and popularity and I'm just… their mate."

She suddenly felt sorry for Peter. "Don't say that." Lily said, "You're still a Marauder, Peter. They're going to be there for you and you'll do the same. You're all best friends."

Peter shrugged, "I guess so."

Sirius turned to James, "Hey, Prongs! I changed my mind about this, I'm gonna go down and speak to the ladies!"

James laughed and nodded, "Yeah, see you, mate."

"So what's up with Sirius and James anyway?" Lily asked.  
"Well, last year in the summer, Sirius ran away from home and James' parents let him live with them. Soon, Sirius was like a member of the family. His was horrible to him since he got into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin."

"Really?" She asked, "How sad."

Peter nodded, "Wow, look at James go. He's good at everything."

"Yeah, he is."

"Hey, Moony!" James called, "Bet you can't catch me!"

"Bet I can!"

"2 Galleons?"

"Game on, Potter!"

James laughed and flew off near the lake, with Remus after him.

The next morning, Lily walked out of her room and found James sitting on the sofa with a huge smile on his face.

"Why are you smiling like that?" she asked.

"I remember."

"Remember what?"

"Your hair." He said.

"What about it?" She asked.

"It looked like that the first time we patrolled the corridors together."

"You remember how I did my hair?"

"Well… yeah."

She laughed, "Really?"

He nodded, "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," she replied, "It's sweet."

He shrugged, "Did you like your present?"

"Ice-skates…" Lily said, "James, I don't know how."

"Yeah, I know," he said, "That's why today, I'm gonna teach you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, c'mon."

"James… I can't really," She said.

"Please, Lily?" James pleaded, "Honestly, it's gonna be fun."

"Oh, alright."

Once they reached the frozen lake, both of them put on their skates. ""Really, Lils, you got nothing to worry about." He said, "It's really easy."

"How do you know?" Lily asked.

"Because I've tried it loads of times, and nothing bad happened to me."

"Well, something bad happened to Petunia." Lily said, tying the laces.

James looked at her, "No way."

Lily nodded.

"When?"

"Well, it was when I was about five or six years old, and she was ten or eleven." She got up, James led her to the lake, "And we were in the park a few days before Christmas, and she almost died."

"What? How?"

"She was just skating around, and I was just watching her, we were just laughing…and she fell through the ice. My dad pulled her out, gave her mouth-to-mouth. I couldn't do anything but watch. One moment she was just skating and having fun, next thing I know, I was standing in the snow, hoping to death that my big sister would stay alive."

James held her hand, "You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I am not letting anything happen to you, alright?" He said, and she put her left foot on the ice.

She nodded, and put her right on the ice too. She wasn't very steady, but James kept her up, "You see, Lily, I believe you can do anything as long as you put your mind into it."

"James, I can't…"

"No such thing as can't, Lily." He said, "You can do this, come on."

He led her to the middle of the lake. "All you have to do is just relax, and keep your balance."

Lily nodded, "Relax. Balance. Got it."

Half an hour later, Lily finally learnt how, and after an hour with Lily and James skating around the lake, they decided to go back inside, they sat down at a bench and started to take off their skates.

A fourth year Hufflepuff pointed at them, and said to her friends, "Look, isn't that cool? They like each other!" Her friends sighed.

Lily and James looked at them, then, they looked at each other, and laughed, "No, we're…" James started.

"…we're just friends." Lily finished.

The fourth year girl rolled her eyes, "They all say that."

"Oh yeah?" Lily asked.

"Yup." The girl replied, "You are so totally going to go out one day."

"Are you a Seer now?" James asked, playfully.

"No." She said, "I'm just saying, that sometimes two people who are meant for each other are the last two to realize it."

"Hey look here, kid." James said, squeezing Lily's hand, "We are just friends, got it?"

"You can never be just friends with someone you're in love with."

"How do you know?" Lily asked.

The girl shrugged, "I read it in a book once."

"Really?" Lily asked, "What's your name?"

"Bailey."

"Well, uh… Bailey." Lily smiled, "Thank you. Really."

The girl smiled, and skated to the far end of the lake, one of her friends looked at them, "Sorry about her…"

"No, it's okay." Lily said.

The young girl skated away to join her friends after giving them a small wave.

Lily and James looked at each to other, "Well that was weird…" Lily said as they made their way to the castle.

"I guess so." James replied. "Do you honestly look a little more like than just friends?"

"I dunno." Lily replied, "I don't think so."

"True."

Lily and James lay on James' bed reading their textbooks; Lily sighed and put her book down, "There is something you're not telling me."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." She said, "At least once a month, you go out late at night and the next morning you're completely worn-out."

"So?"

"You're just not telling me something." She said, "What is it your so afraid for me to find out?"

"I can't tell you, Lily, alright?" he said, "I might tell you soon, but… I just can't tell you."

Lily sighed, "Fine."


	6. 50 Things I Love About James Potter

**That Smile**

**By Teary Loser**

**Disclaimer: **_Characters and all that do not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling – credit to her._

**Chapter 6: 50 Things I Love James Potter**

Lily looked out the Common Room window and watched the rain hit the glass; Tammie had come back the day before and was in the library studying with Remus. James walked through the door, his robes soaking wet.

He said, "I have something to say – and I forgot how to use the drying spell."

Lily rolled her eyes and flicked her wand. James' hair and robes dried. "Thanks."

"No biggie." She said sitting down on the couch, "Anyway, what was it you wanted to tell me?"

"Well, a few minutes ago when we were practising for the-game-against-Ravenclaw-two-weeks-from-now, I realized something." He said, sitting next to her.

"Oh? What was it you realized?" she asked him.

"I'm in love with someone," he grinned widely.

"You are?" Lily said, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

"Yeah," James said, "It's weird, really. She seems to light everything up, she makes me happy without knowing it. But the thing is we can't be together."

"Why not?" she asked.

He shrugged, "We just can't."

Lily tried to be okay about it, she locked away everything she felt and spoke normally, "Does she love you back?"

He thought, "I'm sure she does." He said, he hesitated, and shook his head, "But it doesn't matter."

"James, that's all that matters." She said, "To love someone, and to have them love you back."

He shook his head, "I sound so stupid."

"James, honestly," she said, "if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love."

He looked at her eyes, "There's something different about you."

"Nothing is different." She replied getting up.

"You're sad," he said, "what's wrong?"

She shook her head, "There isn't anything wrong, and I'm not sad."

He rolled his eyes, "I know when you're sad."

"Fine," she said, "I'm just a little upset, you know? It's not huge. I'll get over it. I'll try to get over it." She walked out of the room.

"Lily!" he called behind her.

She shut the door, and took a deep breathe, and walked away. Once three floors down, she leaned against the wall. _It's impossible to like him now, he loves someone else. _

She looked out the nearest window, what he said about her, was it like what he felt about her for the last couple of years? Was it the same thing? Was it was she chose to ignore?

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" she said to herself as she hit herself on the head.

"Hey, Lily?" Chris said behind her, with a thick book in one arm, "Are you okay?"

She turned and looked at him, and nodded, "Yeah, don't worry about me, I'll just go." She walked to her right.

"Uh, Lily?" He called behind her.

She turned around, "Yes?"

"Do you think maybe you'll want to go to Hogsmeade with me?" Chris asked.

James ran through hallways, searching for her. He went to a halt when he saw Lily stand in front of Chris Hector, seeker in the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team. He slid behind a wall, and watched and listened closely.

"What did you say?" Lily asked.

"Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?" Chris repeated.

James continued to listen, "Please say no, please say no…"

Lily's voice softened, "Chris, I can't."

James smiled.

"Why not?" Chris said, "Is it Potter?"

She looked at him, and put her hand on her shoulder, "I wish it wasn't." She turned around and walked away out of sight.

Chris stood quiet still for a moment, shook his head, and went downstairs.

James leaned on the wall, and sighed.

That night, Lily lay in bed. She knew she had to tell him soon, it had become to grow bigger and bigger and she couldn't keep it a secret anymore. She had to tell him what she felt before it becomes so huge, it was pathetically obvious. Lily tried to think of different ways of telling him in her head, but she knew she was just wasting her time. She knew she wasn't brave enough to go up to him and tell him what she felt. After minutes of debating inside her head, she slowly slid out of bed. She crept to the door and slowly opened it. She turned right and opened the door to James' room. She peaked through the crack and saw him sleeping in bed.

His hair fell above his closed eyes; his chest slowly went up and down to his breathing. Lily quietly walked in and sat on the side of the bed and watched him. She smiled, she had always loved the fact that he didn't snore when he slept, and he looked so peaceful. She guessed he was dreaming about Quidditch or about that girl he was in love with that Lily completely envied. She frowned.

"James…" she said softly, he turned to his side, still in his dream. "I… I can't tell you how much our friendship means to me, but I don't think I can take just being your friend anymore."

He turned to his side. She continued, "I can't be just your friend because I'm always going to want something more. I can't make myself stop feeling like this, and I wish I could. I wish I could stop myself feeling this tight feeling in my stomach whenever we're two inches apart, I can't help but think about you every single minute of the day. I find myself smiling just a little more when you're around. You make me feel something I can't feel. I like you. I like you so much, and you don't like me back. I'm probably just a friend to you."

She looked at him, she couldn't see his face anymore, but she heard his silent breathing. She sighed, "This is stupid. You're not even listening – this is something I can't say more than once." She stood up, got a piece of parchment out of her pocket and put it on his table, then headed for the door.

"You don't have to say it again." He said, and looked at her.

She turned. "You… you heard me?"

He nodded; he sat up, and said, "You know how it feels like to be rejected everyday for three years? It hurts. But with you, everything's worth it. For you, I'm set to do anything."

Lily sat back down.

"Didn't you know it was you all along?" He asked.

She shook her head. She felt dumb sitting there in her pyjamas.

He smiled, Lily looked at him. He was smiling that smile again. She smiled back. They sat in silence. James started to get nervous, he was going to ask her out again, but he thought that would just ruin the moment, or he was going to go up to her and kiss her like mad, but he knew that was just something Sirius would do. He really couldn't think of anything else.

"Uh…" Lily said, uncomfortably, "I'll just… I'm going to go." She walked out.

James hit himself in the face, "Shit." He knew he couldn't go back to sleep, so got out of bed and sat down. He noticed the parchment Lily left earlier. He took it and unfolded it. _50 Things I Love About James Potter By Lily Evans_. He read it, his smile growing wider and wider.

Lily paced around her room. Thinking about what happened. There was a silent knock on the door, she opened it slowly. James walked in threw the piece of parchment on her bed and turned to kiss her. He put his lips slowly and gently on hers, his arms made their way to her waist while hers to his neck. He deepened the kiss, and everything seemed flawless and so perfect. He pulled her closer to him. When the need for air came in they parted. "Are we still just friends?" James asked.

Lily gave him a small peck on the cheek, and said what Bailey had, "You can never be 'just friends' with someone you're in love with."

_50 Things I Love About James Potter:_

_By Lily Evans_

_He makes me laugh._

_His eyes are gorgeous._

_He's a good friend._

_He taught me how to fly._

_He plays Quidditch._

_He plays Quidditch really well._

_He believes in me._

_He's brave._

_He makes me happy._

_He knows all the secret passageways at Hogwarts._

_He knows what he wants and when he wants it._

_He knows all of my ticklish spots._

_He became my best friend after 5 Corridor Patrols._

_He can transfigure anything._

_He is easy to tutor._

_He makes up his mind easily._

_He laughs at things that aren't funny._

_When he makes me angry, he finds ways to make me like him again._

_He makes me feel good about myself._

_His hands are always warm._

_He knows me like no one else does. _

_He's smart._

_It's okay if I cry in front of him._

_He makes me feel pretty._

_After spending a day with him, I can smell his perfume in my clothes._

_His uniform tie is always loose._

_His voice gets deep whenever he's really serious._

_He only says things he really means._

_He looks so cute and adorable when he reads._

_He doesn't let others get to him._

_HE cares a lot about his friends._

_It takes so long for him to give up._

_It takes ages for him to get up on Saturday mornings._

_He kisses me on the forehead._

_He doesn't take crap._

_He gives me bear hugs._

_He give the best piggy backs in the entire planet._

_It's fun messing up his hair because he likes it that way._

_He looks adorable when he's sleeping._

_He's the best Chaser ever._

_He doesn't care what others think._

_He stands up for himself and the people he cares for._

_He makes me feel special._

_He looks at me in an unexplainable way._

_His promises never break._

_He changes the subject whenever we get close to talking about ex boyfriends and girlfriends._

_He always lets me know how much he cares._

_I've noticed that he has the most horrible singing voice after hearing him sing in the shower, but I think it's the most incredible way to win my heart._

_He remembers little things._

_He makes me smile in a way that I only smile around him._

_**Ahh! I'm going to end my story here. I'm sorry if it wasn't what you wanted, school has been taking over most of my time nowadays, and I usually don't get to find some time to write. I'm so sorry. I was going to include this whole other thing about Remus being a werewolf, and the Marauders, but I couldn't find the time. I'm really, really sorry. I hope you liked it. :D**_


	7. Mistake

**That Smile**

**By Teary Loser**

**Disclaimer: **_Characters and all that do not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling – credit to her._

**Note:**_ Yup, it's back. I missed the reviews and writing, so here it is. It would probably take me longer to update, but yes, I will continue._

**Chapter 1: Mistakes**

James sat in the Gryffindor Table, with a bowl of cereal sitting in front of him.

"Hey, Prongs," Remus sat across from him, "Nervous?"

James nodded, "My parents would kill me if I don't pass my N.E.W.T.S."

"It's okay; I know you're going to do really well, alright?" Remus said, having a bite of toast.

Sirius joined them, along with Peter, who looks very pale in the face.

"He's nervous about the N.E.W.T.S." Sirius explained.

"Aren't you?" James asked.

Sirius just shrugged, "Nobody cares if I pass or not. Besides, I think I'm going to do alright, and if I don't," he shrugged again, "tough."

Peter shook slightly as he raised his spoon to his mouth, he chewed the cornflakes slowly, and then swallowed, "My mother wants me to do really good," he said, "But what if you want a job that doesn't care what your grades were?"

"There aren't any jobs that don't care," Sirius said, "Only if you want to be a Death Eater or something." He snorted, "I can't imagine anyone wanting to work for Voldemort, well, besides the Slytherins, that's what they were all born for."

"Not all Death Eaters are from Slytherin," Remus said, "It doesn't matter what house you're in. But once you're a Death Eater, you're a Death Eater for life."

Peter whimpered, the other three looked at him.

"It's just…" Peter squeaked, "It's scary."

"That's what Voldemort is all about," Sirius said, "Doesn't care about what people think, if you stand in his way, you're a goner."

"Let's not talk about this, yeah? It's the weekend; let's not ruin it by worrying about N.E.W.T.S. and Death Eaters." Remus said.

Sirius nodded and turned to James, "So, where did Lily go?"

"Library, looking through her Astronomy notes for Monday," James replied, "I think I'd join her, I'll see you three later."

"See you, mate." Sirius said.

James took hold of his bag and put it on one shoulder and walked to the doors. On his way to the library, he met Chris Hector.

"Hey, James," Chris said, "Good game last Saturday, you're a good captain."

"You are too," James said, giving him a small smile, "thanks."

Chris shrugged, "Don't worry about it, good luck for the next game with Slytherin, I've always knew you'll win the cup. See you around, James."

"Yeah, okay. Bye then." James said.

Madam Pince looked at him as he walked through the library, still not trusting him after returning a library book with a page filled with games of Noughts and Crosses in fourth year. He ignored her stares as he sat down next to Lily, giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

"Hey," Lily said, looking up from the book she was skimming through.

"Hi," he replied, putting his bag down.

"I'm just worried about Astronomy tomorrow," Lily said.

"You'll do great, Lily," James said, "You're one of the smartest in our year; you're going to be fine."

Lily sighed, "I can't take this anymore," she closed the book and pushed it away, she looked at him, "Let's go outside."

The sky outside was cloudless and the air stood still. Lily and James sat next to the lake. Lily watched him and smiled, "I love how you care so much."

James looked at her, "What do you mean?"

"You care so much about your friends, and everything you believe in." She put her head on his shoulder and he held her close. "You make me feel so safe, and protected, there's nowhere else I'd rather be than here."

He kissed her in the forehead, and ran his fingers through her hair.

Bailey walked past with her friends, "See? They've fallen for each other, like everyone knew they always would."

Sirius and Tammie looked out the window of the Common Room, watching them.

"I have a feeling Prongs will be alright," Sirius said, sitting back down, "he's got his entire world."

"Do you have yours, Sirius?" Tammie asked.

Sirius shook his head, "I've wasted time."

Tammie sat down, "You've got loads of time," she said, "you know, when it works, love is pretty amazing."

He looked at her, and watched her read through her notes, and he had a sudden feeling of infatuation towards her. He wasn't familiar with this feeling, but James had described it to him a million times before. It felt like everything stopped and the noise suddenly went on mute.

She looked at him, "Uh, Sirius? Are you okay?"

He blinked, "Yeah," his voice seemed higher than usual, "I have to go." He got up and left.

Remus and Peter were walking back from the Great Hall when they saw Sirius walking down the staircases with a fast pace. Remus took hold of his shoulders.

"Hey, Padfoot," he said, "What's happened?"

Sirius shook his head frantically, "I couldn't control it – I… she… I can't feel like this!"

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked.

"It's Tammie," Sirius explained quietly, he turned them around, away from the Common Room; "she made me feel different."

Peter looked at him with a confused look on his face, "What do you mean different?"

Sirius shrugged, "There was this moment, when I felt weird and… nervous."

Remus looked at him for a moment before he said, "Aha," he smirked, "are you trying to tell me, that you have feelings for Tammie?"

Sirius surveyed his feet, thought, and then slowly nodded his head, "Is that supposed to feel like?"

Remus just shrugged, "What are you going to do?"  
"I'm not going to do anything," Sirius said, "am I supposed to?"

Remus rolled his eyes, "You idiot," and walked to the Common Room.

"Just tell me how to handle this, Moony!" Sirius yelled after him, and turned to Peter, "What does he expect me to do? Tell her my feelings?" he snorted.

That night, Lily and James lay on the grass; James looked at her and grinned. He finally had her; she was with him. The grin slowly disappeared, how did he know this was going to last forever? Maybe one day, this was all going to end. "I love you," he whispered.

Lily's eyes slowly went from the stars to his; she gave him a small smile, "Prove it."

James thought, "I love you more than I can show you, you just have to trust me," he took hold of her hand.

Her hand in his calmed her, it was so warm, and there was a way he held her, that made her want for this to last forever. She nodded, "How long do you want us to last?"

He looked at her, "Honestly, I'd like us to last forever."

She smiled and held onto his hand tighter, "Forever sounds like a plan."

His stomach did a big flip, his heart beating faster and faster. There was an awkward silence, he kissed her on the forehead, which soon enough, travelled to her lips.

Sirius paced the empty Common Room, with Peter's eyes moving left to right, watching him eagerly. "Hmmm…" Sirius thought, "I have to do something, I can't sit here and do nothing…"

Peter continued to stare at him; he jumped when Tammie walked in.

"You haven't seen Lily, have you?" she asked both of them, they both shook their heads, "She's probably with James, what are you two up to?"

"Nothing," Sirius said, "We're doing nothing."

"Good," Tammie said, sitting herself down, "I've been thinking about asking you what happened this morning, you've sort of been avoiding me."

Sirius looked at her, "I wasn't avoiding you. I was just…"

"Avoiding me?" Tammie said, "Look, Sirius; I don't know what I did to make you angry at me, but I'm really sorry, okay?"

He stared at her, Peter walked to the dormitory. The awkwardness was a little too much for him.

"You didn't make me angry," he said, sitting next to her, "It's just… you make me… scared."

Tammie looked at him, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Forget it," Sirius said, standing up, "I'm pretty tired; I think I'll get to bed."

Tammie watched him walk up to his dormitory, with a frown suddenly on her face.

Lily sat on the foot of Tammie's bed a few minutes later, with Tammie next to her. Lily put her arm around her best friend, "Do he say anything else?"

Tammie shook her head, "He said he was tired so he went up to bed," she said, "what am going to do, Lily? I have a thing for Sirius Black."

Lily patted her on the shoulder, "You just have to tell him," she said, "maybe he feels the same way."

"How can he possibly feel the same way?" Tammie asked, "All he's been doing was running away from me. I mean, do I have a deadly disease or something?" she frowned, "he said I scared him. What was that all about?"

Lily sighed, while Tammie leaned on her shoulder, "I don't know," she said, "maybe you should sleep on it, we'll talk about it more tomorrow, okay?"

Tammie nodded, "Thanks, Lils."  
Lily smiled, "Sweat dreams, Tammie."

-

Sirius walked into the Great Hall, spotting Tammie sitting by herself eating breakfast. He sighed, he thought of waking up early to have some breakfast alone, without Tammie asking him what's been happening to him.

Tammie watched her cereal swim around her bowl; she turned to her right, and saw Sirius standing there. He spotted her looking at him and turned around and went for the door. Tammie looked at her bowl again; it took her a few moments before she could stand up and run after him. She caught him running up the marble staircase, "Sirius!"

He stopped, and turned, "What?"

She stood in front of him, "What did I do?"

He stared at her, "You didn't do anything," he said, and continued to walk up the stairs.

Tammie went after him, "Can't you just stop walking away from me?"

He continued to walk, "I don't know why you care so much about what I do," he said, "I don't know why you're always so nice to me."

"Maybe it's because I know you, Sirius," Tammie said, "I know how you hate having no one to talk to, how you hate staying at one place, and when you really, really want something, you won't stop until you get it. You won't give up."

Sirius halted, and stood quiet still.

"Why are you giving up on yourself, Sirius?" Tammie asked.

"It's because…" he didn't face her, he stopped.

Tammie walked to stand in front of him, "Can't you just tell me what you really feel?"

He shook his head, and proceeded to the Common Room.

-

For the next two weeks, Sirius has been avoiding Tammie as much as he could, he had no idea why. Tammie decided to give up on him completely, knowing that she couldn't get anything out of Sirius Black. The exams did pretty well, but it made them feel sleepier sooner than usual. Peter and Sirius wouldn't stop bugging Remus to help them, or, cheat off him, but Remus didn't budge, he knew both of them could do it on their own. But it didn't work much; instead, they went off to bug James.

Tammie and Lily did their studying in the Heads Common Room, where Tammie would usually rant about how she hated Sirius and how stupid he was. But despite what her best friend was saying, Lily knew Tammie felt the complete opposite.

"You're so lucky to have someone like James," Tammie said, putting her quill down, "I hate myself for liking Sirius. I ignored all of the warning signs, and had my heart broken all over again. It was just one big mistake."

Lily rubbed her on the back, "It's never a mistake to care for someone, Tammie."

A few minutes later, Sirius watched Tammie enter the common room up to her dormitory, not looking at anyone. Sirius turned back to his friends, "It was a huge mistake to do what I did," he said, "I shouldn't of done that to her."

Peter bit his fingernails, Remus looked up from the book he was reading and James stopped looking through his Quidditch plans.

"I don't think she's never going to forgive me," Sirius said.

"I think she would," James said, "all you need to do is tell her what you feel. That's all she wants."


	8. It's Not Easy

**That Smile**

**By Teary Loser**

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Harry Potter... but I wish I do.  
_

**Note:**_ I'm really really really really really sorry for taking sooo long to update!! Really! So I hope you like this one. I'm sooo sorry! I'm just hoping all of you know.  
_

**Chapter 8: It's Not Easy  
**

The Common Room was deserted by 11 o'clock. Tammie slowly walked down the dormitory stairs and sat down on the chair next to the fire. Half of her wished that Lily didn't have to go to the Head's Common Room and talk to her instead. It was just a few minutes later when she heard footsteps come down, she turned around and found Sirius standing there. 

"Err… sorry!" He stuttered, "I'll just leave."

"God, Sirius!" Tammie yelled after him, "Just tell me, please…"

He flipped around and walked up to her quickly, "You want to know so much?"

"Yes!" she said, sounding a lot angrier than she really was.

He was about to say something, but instead, he kissed her. He wanted to do this for such a long time, it was crazy that he waited this long to do it.

When they parted, Sirius' heart was racing, "Um…"

Tammie just stared at him, her eyes wide. "Sirius… I… that was…"

"…not what you expected?" he finished for her. She nodded.

His palms started to sweat, "Oh no, I'm really sorry."

She smiled, "Sirius that was wonderful."

"It was?"

Her smile went wider and she nodded. Sirius grinned, "Heck, you're gorgeous…"

Her eyebrows rose, "I'm in my pyjamas."

"I know."

-

James was slumped on the couch, a book over his face, breathing heavily. Lily peaked out from her room, saw him, and smiled. She turned to look at the clock and read 12:34am. She stepped out from her room and sat down across from him, "Jamie…"

He continued to sleep. She sighed, "James…"

He didn't budge. She sat next to him, took the book out of his hands and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too," he mumbled, and opened his eyes, to have Lily kiss him square on the lips.

She laughed then looked at the book he was reading. "_A History Of Magic_," she read, "Didn't we have this in first year?"

"It might come useful," he said, playing with her long red hair.

She grinned, and rested her head on her shoulder, "Can you believe it? In a month, we'll be out trying to find jobs."

He held her hand, "It's unbelievable, right?"

"Uh huh," she replied.

"What are you doing up so late?" he asked.

She shrugged, "Just thinking."

"About what, exactly?"

"It's personal."

James stared at her, about to force her to tell him but changed his mind; instead he just rubbed her on the back until she fell asleep. He picked her up and took her to her room.

Her room was messy, which was most unusual. Her books were spread out at the bottom of her bed, but giving enough room for her to lie in it. Clothes and such were on the floor. He sighed as he lay her down and put covers over her body. He kissed her on the forehead and walked out. He walked into his own room, which was a lot messier than Lily's. His bed un-made, covered in God-knows-what. He felt exhausted, so he pushed everything onto the floor and crawled into bed.

He lay there for a while, closing his eyes, trying to grasp onto sleep… he needed it. Bad. His door burst open and Sirius came in with an excited look on his face, "Prongs! Wake up!"

James' head popped up to see his best friend standing there. "What do you want, Padfoot?"

"Guess who kissed Tammie tonight…" Sirius said in a sing-song, he gave a small girlish giggle and sat on his bed, "Dude, it was amazing."

James got up and sat down, "What was it like?"

"Amazing. I told you. Jeez!" He stood up, looked at all rubbish in James' room, "You know; you need to clean up."

James rolled his eyes, "Big shock you've noticed, the dormitory is usually messier," he said, "I figured you didn't notice mess anymore."

Sirius burst out laughing.

"Erm… Padfoot…" James said, "I think you're suffering from lovesickness."

"Lovesickness!" Sirius laughed, "That's absurd! All I want to do is hold her right now… kiss her senseless…"

"Yep, that's lovesickness… major."

Sirius let out a huge roar of laughter and stopped, realizing nothing was funny. "You look tired mate," he said, "you should try getting some sleep."

James rolled his eyes again, "I was doing that before you came in."

"Oh." Sirius grinned, "Sorry."

"It's okay," James said.

"Well… I'll just go." Sirius said, "See you in the morning."

He left, leaving James sitting on his bed. He slowly went back into bed, and turned off the light with his wand, and closed his eyes. It wasn't before long he fell asleep. He had a dream about him and Lily again; they were both sitting on top of a cliff, watching the sunset slowly fall behind the mountains. It was already dark when James stood up and held out a hand for Lily to take. She took it and he pulled her up, "Thanks," she said, her voice echoed. James grinned at her, and he suddenly felt her hand squeeze tighter onto his, and she slipped and let go of his hand. She didn't scream, not even wince as she fell. "Lily!" James cried, trying to grab her arm.

James sat bolt upright on his bed, the sun shining from outside, his hair messy like every morning. He couldn't believe it; he dreamt that Lily fell over a cliff… and he didn't save her. He should have saved her.

When he got out of his room, Lily was gone. Probably at breakfast, he thought. He walked through the doors of the Great Hall a while later, finding out Lily wasn't there as well. He was eating his breakfast alone until Sirius sat across from him, grabbed a piece of toast and started to smear butter all over it. He watched James chew his porridge, "Hey, mate."

James nodded; he couldn't talk with his mouth full.

"Just speak," Sirius said in an annoyed voice, taking a bite from his toast, "itsh jush pood."

James swallowed, "You meant 'it's just food'."

Sirius nodded, and swallowed, "I don't get what all the fuss is about."

"It's called _manners_, Padfoot."

"Manners Spanners," Sirius said, making up a rhyme from the top of his head.

James rolled his eyes, "Why aren't you with Tammie?"

"She's outside with Lily."

"So that's where Lily is," James said, "I've been wondering where she went."

"Well she's outside with Tammie," Sirius said, having another bite of toast.

-

It wasn't long before their exams came and went. The Marauders were feeling both confident and nervous (Peter was nervous through the whole thing), and Lily and Tammie were quiet proud of what they've done. For the last two Hogsmeade weekends Sirius and Tammie had been together, and Sirius slowly becoming more and more 'respectful' in meals.

Lily and James spent their last few corridor patrolling standing at the Astronomy tower after every patrol and caught up with getting to know each other, Lily felt like she knew more about James everyday, and it felt good to know she was the only person who knew him this way.

One night, as the crescent moon shone above them, Lily looked at James and said, "If I was really ugly, would you still love me?"

He stared at her, "Wha – Lily, why are you asking me this?"

"I just want to know," she replied, "So would you?"

He nodded, "Of course."

"…and you're not just saying that?"

"No."

"So if I looked like this," Lily pointed her wand on her face and it grew a bigger nose and a huge amount of acne appeared, "would you still?"

James stared at her and smiled.

Lily sighed, "I knew it. I knew you wouldn't –"

James was kissing her, just the same way he always had. Not caring how big her nose was, or the amount of pimples on her face.

"I would love you for who you are," he said, "you're perfect to me, Lils. So don't change."

Lily turned her face back to normal, "I don't plan to," she smiled at him, "but it means everything to me that you changed for me."

James nodded and gave her grin, "Don't mention it." He put an arm around her shoulder, "I think it was what I had to do. I regret waiting so long."

"Why?"

"Isn't it the most obvious thing in the world?" he asked, "we could have had so long to be going out, and now, it's our last week here."

"It doesn't mean we'll just walk away from each other when we leave, right?"

"Of course not, I wanna marry you, Lily," he said, "but we could have spent longer looking up at that together." He pointed at the moon.

Lily didn't hear anything about the moon, his words before that made her seem to fade away from it all. James looked at her when he noticed she has not replied.

"Sorry," he said, "I shouldn't have said that..."

Lily slowly shook her head, "No, it's okay. It's getting late, we should go back."

The next week quickly passed and sooner than they thought they were packing their trunks. James was stuffing socks into his trunk when an owl flew into his room. The owl had a letter tied to it, and James checked who it was from… Mrs Governdor. James' eyebrow raised as he started to open it. _What does this woman want?_

He casually looked at the letter and started to read. His eyes darted from word to word. _Could this be true? Is this happening? _The letter dropped when he finished reading, and he slowly sat on his bed, his head in his hands.

"James, I –" Lily walked into the room with one of James' dungbombs in her hand. She looked at him sitting on his bed and she sat next to him, putting the dungbomb aside.

"James?" she asked, as she looked at him, searching for a reason why he looked upset. James didn't reply, but it wasn't long until Lily noticed James was crying.

"James, what's wrong?"

James looked at her and held her. Lily was taken surprised at first but put her arms around him. "Lily… they're gone."

"Who?" she asked, feeling stupid, "who's gone?"

"Mum and dad." James said.

Lily gasped, and looked at him, and stared at his teary eyes. She pulled him closer, "James… I'm sorry."

James let out a sob that Lily never heard from him before, and she continued to hold him.

"Prongsie…" Sirius walked into the room, followed by Remus and Peter.

"What's happened?" Remus asked.

Lily looked at them, now quite sure what to say.

Sirius walked across the room and picked up the letter that was sitting on the table and read it.

"Holy crap!" he burst. His eyes were wide, his body was stiff. He took a deep breath and turned to look at James. "Mate, I'm sorry."

Remus and Peter finished the letter as well. "Yeah, we're really sorry."

"That's what everyone would be saying to me for a while, won't it?" James asked, "that they're sorry."

Everyone was silent, they looked down, not sure what to say to him.

"James, I know it's tough to lose your parents," Remus said, sitting next to him, "it's really tough, I know. I know that guilt you're feeling, that you should have spent more time with them, that you should have said what you should have said…"

"… and that small wish you have hoping everything's a big joke, and that thought like everybody else doesn't know what it's like to lose someone special," Lily finished.

"Everyone has or will lose someone special, Prongs," Sirius looked at him, "you're not alone, okay?"

James looked around at all of them, "Thank you," he mumbled.

"Now let's help Prongs finish packing so we can all say goodbye to Hogwarts, yeah?" Remus said.

Everyone nodded.

-

Lily and James sat in the Heads Compartment, waiting for the prefects to join them, "You know, Lily, they would have loved to meet you."

Lily slowly nodded, she opened her mouth to say something when the prefects all came in.

She stood up, "Err… hi everyone. I think you all did a fabulous job this year… we've got a lot of things done, like the feasts we've organized and all of that. I hope all of you have a fantastic summer, and to all those coming back next year, do whatever you can at Hogwarts. Because once you leave it, there's no going back."

She looked around at all of them, "All of you who have made prefects are great… and I hope once you do leave Hogwarts you all do something that makes you happy. Don't let anything hold any of you back."

The prefects nodded and Lily dismissed them. They were all gone and Lily and James were alone again.

Lily looked at James as he sat on a chair, playing with his fingers. "James?"

He looked up at her, staring at him, her green eyes filling up with tears. "What's wrong?"

"I just really am sorry about your parents…"

He stood up and held onto her, "I can't imagine how hard it is…" she continued.

James took a deep breath, "It's okay, Lily, really…"

"Why aren't you crying?" Lily asked him, looking into his eyes, staring at them, wondering why they weren't crying.

He just stared right back, not saying anything.

"Why aren't you crying?" Lily repeated.

"My dad told me to never cry." He said, "he told me that seeing me cry made him upset. Not because he was ashamed of having a son that cries, but knowing that I'm sad…"

Talking about his father felt like suicide to James. He felt his whole body crumble when he pictured his father's face when he saw James cry when he was four.

"He told me not to cry." James said again.


	9. Stubborn for a Goodbye

**That Smile**

**By Teary Loser**

**Disclaimer: **_It sucks, but no. I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, I would not be on fanfiction. But living somewhere in Venice. _

**Note:**_ Hello. I know. Less than 24-hours to update. :D I hope you like this chapter. There will be more updates soon so please don't give up on me. _

**Chapter 9: Stubborn for a Goodbye**

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Tammie. Isn't it a nickname?"

"Yes."

"So what's it short for? What's your real name?"

"My real name is Leslie."

Sirius stared at her. "Are you serious?"

"No, Leslie."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Where did Tammie come from?"

Tammie shrugged, "I dunno."

Sirius continued to stare at her with a confused face when Peter walked in, "Hey, Wormtail, guess what?"

"What?" Peter asked as he sat down.

"Tammie's real name is Leslie."

Peter nodded, "Yeah, I know."

"What?" Sirius looked at him, "how?"

"First year, when she was called to the sorting hat, McGonagall said Carter, Leslie."

"Oh," Sirius said, "I wasn't paying attention."

Peter gave a yeah-I-know look. "Are you going home?" he asked.

Sirius looked at him, "You think?"

"Huh?"

"I meant no."

"Oh… okay. I'm going home, and probably go to Italy with my parents."

"Cool." Sirius said, "I'll be staying at Prongs house… and go to the funeral and stuff."

"What funeral?" Tammie asked.

"Mr and Mrs Potter died," Peter said, looking down.

"Oh my goodness… when did you find out?"

"This morning," Peter said. "Prongs was really upset."

"Of course he'll be upset." Tammie said. "They were his parents."

All three of them sat in silence until Remus came back from the prefects compartment and sat down.

"It's the last trip home," he said quietly.

Back in prefect compartment, Lily and James sat down. They weren't sure when they would go to sit with their friends, they weren't very sure about what to do once the train stopped at Kings Cross Station. They didn't feel sure of anything.

"Lily, would you like to stay at my house for a while?" James asked, "and come to the funeral and all?"

She nodded, and looked into his eyes, and hugged him again, "James, I love you."

He kissed her on the top of her head, "I love you."

Lily hugged him tighter, every time he said that it was like he was saying it for the first time. There was something noticeable in his voice when he said it every time, it sounded sincere, truthful and open. There was also a glint of nervousness and edginess about it; like he was afraid she would run away if he said it too many or not enough times.

"I want you to know how much I mean that, Lily," he said, looking in her eyes, and his hands on her shoulders.

"I think I do, James," she said, "this year with you was wonderful," they both went out the door, looking for the compartment their friends were in, "and I'm really looking forward to spending more time with you out of school."

James nodded as they found the compartment, and looked at all their friends sitting together and joined them.

"Um… how are you two?" Sirius asked.

"Fine," Lily and James said.

All six of them sat in the compartment, eating, playing exploding snap, or just talking. Sirius and Tammie sat together in one part of the compartment, "Well, I was thinking of looking for my mum." Tammie said.

"But she walked out on you," Sirius said, "why do you want to look for her?"

"To find out why she left." Tammie said simply, "I thought it over a million times and I've made up my mind."

"So how are you going to look for her?" Sirius asked.

"Well, she's a muggle so she's hard to track down, so I'll just go through some records and things. She's somewhere north of London, so I'll be staying there."

"You're staying there? Meaning you're not staying with us?" Sirius asked. "What if something bad happens? Let me come with you."

"I want to do this by myself." She replied, "I'll be transporting like a muggle, living without magic."

"Why?" Sirius said.

"Because it's just what I want to do."

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind.

Lily's head was on James' shoulder reading a book as James looked out the window. He thought about first year, when he saw Lily for the first time at the station.

"_Look, it's Snape." Sirius said, pointing at Severus who just disappeared between Platform 9 and 10._

"_Ugh, gross. I can't believe we're going to the same school as him," James said, pushing his new glasses further up his nose. _

"_It's sick, let me tell you that," Sirius said, "but imagine how much pranks and hexes we can do on him. No parents." _

_They looked at each other and grinned. They pushed they're trolleys towards the platforms when a girl caught James' eye._

"_Sirius, look at that girl."_

"_Which girl?" _

"_The red-head." _

"_I haven't seen her before, she's probably a muggle-born," he said. _

"_She's pretty." James said._

_Sirius shrugged, "I guess, but she's not really my type."_

"_I don't know if I have a type, but if I did, it's all her." _

"_Ask her out then, sheesh." _

"_I can't."_

"_Why not?"_

"_She'll reject me." James said, "plus, someone like her has probably got a boyfriend."_

"_She's probably eleven like us," Sirius said. "So she probably doesn't."_

_The girl was looking around nervously, looking down at her ticket. She was looking around for help, and she spotted Sirius and James. _

"_Um, excuse me, but you're going to Hogwarts aren't you?" she asked. _

"_Yeah," Sirius said, James just stared, "Do you need help going through the platform?" _

_Lily nodded, "Yes, please."_

"_It's cake," Sirius said, you know platform nine and ten? You just go right towards the barrier. You'll go right through."_

"_How do I know I won't crash?" _

"_You won't."_

"_But how do I know?"_

"_You just won't."_

_Lily looked at James, who was staring right back at her, "Um… okay. But you have to go first."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes, "Fine." He ran with his trolley through the barrier and he disappeared. _

_Lily stared at the place he went through and took a nervous breath. She looked at James. "Um… hi."_

"_Hi," James said, "I'm James Potter."_

"_I'm Lily." She smiled at him, and took her trolley and went through the barrier._

"_Lily." James whispered. _

James smiled as he had Lily on his shoulder. He liked her before he even knew her name.

-

The train stopped at Kings Cross, and Sirius, Peter, Tammie, Remus, James and Lily stepped out of the train and into the station.

They got their trunks and stood in a circle, "I'll be on my way after this," Tammie said.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "You're ditching us, just say it."

"I'm not ditching anyone," Tammie snapped, "I'm looking for my mum and I'll be back once I do."

Everyone nodded, except for Sirius, "Bye Tammie."

She grinned at all of them, "Thank you all so much," she said and she took her trunk and went towards the exit.

Lily looked at James, "Wait."

Tammie was about to walk out when Lily stopped her to give her a hug, "Tammie, whatever happens, just know I love you, okay?"

Tammie nodded, "Thanks, Lily. For everything."

Lily gave her a smile, "You're my bestfriend, Tammie. I couldn't survive these past seven years without you."

A tear rolled down Tammie's cheek as she hugged Lily again.

Sirius looked at them, and rolled his eyes, "Girls."

James grinned. Lily came back. "C'mon, let's go."

They went through the exit, looking around at the muggles around them. "Mum!" Peter exclaimed, and looked back at them, "I'll see you guys later," and waved goodbye.

Remus' father walked up to them, smiled and he and Remus walked away, with Remus waving goodbye.

"So, it's my house?" James asked.

Sirius and Lily nodded.

"So did you kiss Tammie goodbye, Padfoot?" James asked, as they all stood together.

Sirius shook his head, "I was too stubborn to give her a proper goodbye."

He looked towards the road, seeing Tammie walk away.

"Are you ready?" James asked getting ready to apparate.

Tammie was walking across the road… before a truck was coming.

"TAMMIE!" Sirius yelled, running.

Tammie turned around and looked at him.

James and Lily looked at what was happening; it was all happening too quickly. Sirius was running, the truck was coming and Tammie was standing there. _Why wasn't she moving?_

"MOVE!" Sirius yelled.

Lily gasped, James held onto her. Sirius stopped running. He puffed, tired from running. His breathing was low, he felt his heart pounding in his chest. Why was he still breathing? Why was he still alive? While, Tammie, however...

"James..." Lily said, tears rolling down her eyes, "Tell me it's not true..."

It was all too late.


	10. Never Again

**That Smile**

**By Teary Loser**

**Disclaimer: **_Characters and all that do not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling – credit to her._

**Note:** Some of you want to hurt me after making you wait so long, and just giving you such a small chapter. I'm sorry.

**Chapter 10: Never Again **

The days after the funeral were rainy ones. _How ironic, _Sirius thought, _bad weather for the bad days._ He was in James' garage.

"Padfoot," James asked as he walked in, "wanna blow something up?"

Sirius glared at him and continued to work on his bike.

"Sorry," James said, "but Padfoot, you have to _try_to move on…"

Sirius was silent; he didn't want to talk to him, why couldn't James just leave him alone?

"Tammie wouldn't want you to be like this," he said. His eyes widened, he regretted saying her name.

"She's not here anymore, so who cares what she wants?" Sirius said, quite red in the face.

James pushed on, "You care, Sirius. I know you do."

"Well I don't. I don't care about anything. I don't care about this stupid bike," he kicked his motorbike to the ground, "I don't care, James! I don't care that she died. That I never got to say goodbye; that I never got to hold her again… I don't care!" He kicked his bike again and left the room.

James stood there for a moment until he decided to follow him, he saw him in the kitchen sitting on one of the chairs, his head in his hands.

James sat next to him, "Don't you think I don't know how you feel?"

Sirius didn't say anything.

"Don't you think I never wondered why my parents had to go when they did? That I never got angry at the sky for taking them away from me? Of course I did. Sirius, you're not the only one that feels like this. These kinds of things happen and we can't do anything about it. Don't stop yourself from living because Tammie died. She doesn't want this for you, and I know you care, Sirius."

It was silent between them for the next 5 minutes.

"I hate how it happened so quickly," Sirius said, "I hate how everything continued to go on after she died… the world kept turning, and it turned so quickly."

_I still think about you, you know that? Every damn day your face appears in my head… and it never goes away. It's not like I want it to, your face was the definition of perfect for me. Remember that day you told me everything happened for a reason? What's the reason for why you had to go? Why you had to leave me?_

_I never got the chance to say how much I love you, __and I don't think I could ever love anyone else the same way again. _

_I miss you._


End file.
